I was a part of TNTs school as a student for about a year, and this is my story!

Remember that it is a story, a personal story and that this experience is mine. I am not here to judge this experience as good or bad, it was an experience in life and I have learned from it.

The reason why I post this is that I recently read an article about how especially the women in TNT came out with burnout and depression, and maybe my sharing will share some light on the sexual insensitivity that goes on in TNT and how it easily goes over to abuse.

I came in to TNT carrying a deep rooted sexual trauma and a sexual history of being very promiscuous. I needed TNT to wake up from my numbness. In TNT there was room for many of my dark sides, but not for all of me. 

This particular memory was the “de armouring” of the female G-spot. I came to this workshop with a lot of contractions. I had a previous experience where a man who I was madly in love with, but who only used me for sex found out that he could make me squirt. It was my first time and both me and him were surprised. The weekend after we went out drinking together and he brought his friend home with us for afterparty. At the afterparty he told me to bend over his dinner table and in front of his friend he started to finger me until I squirted - as a circus show. I felt exposed in a insensitive way and very contracted afterwards.

So when this big event came during the TNT training I was scared and excited. I felt a lot of numbness on my G-spot and I had a lot of hope that I would heal. I choose a man who I was not attracted of but who had the softest and sweetest hands, and I thought he would be able to help me.

We were about 70 people in the room, loud music were playing and we had the instructions to insert the fingest in the yoni and to pound hard on the G-spot in order to make it squirt. I stood upright on my knees, holding my friends shoulders as he carefully tried to open my G-spot. I cried cause memories came of this man who I have loved in the past and how he abused my love and my body and how i was not able to say no to him. I cried of shame over myself and judgement over my own need for being loved and how many times I did let someone use me with the hope to get a mall dose of love or appreciation in return. I cried and I cried and nothing happened at my G-spot. 

Then Alex Vartman passed by. He was dressed in black and had a headset on where he was commenting the group experience in the speakers. When he came to me he sat down and asked me if I needed help. I felt stuck, scared and all my past traumas was active in my body and my memory. I didn't have another answer that “yes” I need help.

He took a big, black glove on his left hand and told me to spread my legs. Then he inserted his fingers in my yoni and punched my G-spot with a lot of force, once and twice. The chock made me not even feel the burning pain but now the water came like a flood. 

“O my goooooood”, Alex commented in the speakers. “O my goood, come here folks, see this”. 

He pounded my G-spot again and one more flush of water came.

“She is soaking the mattress here”, he said in the speaker, “good that I have a waterproof watch”.

I don't really know what happened, some people gathered curious around me but I disappeared. The circus was a fact. I had re lived my trauma in a greater scale. Alex went on talking in his headset and I just layed there on the maddress. 

It took me two years until  I could feel my G-spot again.  

The kind of hard, violent and unsensitive sex that TNT promotes is really unhealthy for women. It's stressful for the nervous system and not much consideration is there about previous traumas and how to handle them if they are re activated. I saw a lot of sexual violence in TNT... 

Lin
11 december 2018