Hello "To Be....". Yesterday I left TNT - but first I posted my rather raw and uncut view on Global. It was surprisingly enough deleted after ca. 5 minutes (I was told) and as some current (but doubtful) TNT dude wrote me after the post "that's exactly the thing, isn't it?". Yes. That's the thing with TNT - the deleting of unwanted expressions and views. The lack of honesty and responsibity etc. Of course I wasn't surprised that it was deleted. I actually blocked the admins in advance in order to make the post maybe live a little longer, but the spiritual nazis are really quick on the delete button!! 5 minutes, without no admin was able to see the post!! Well done, Big spiritual brother!
A few people (both from "TNT Global" and "To Be..." have asked me to post it here, so I'll do it. My incognito profile was intended for Global, to stir them up and confuse them a little, I wasn't planning on posting it here. But I'd like to contribu to the WHOLE story about TNT, not only the positive and censored version. I wrote it from top of my head. It's a very long post, and I even added some things since yesterday, so now it's even longer hahaha.
Here it goes: 


Brothers and Sisters!!

Life is an illusion, TNT is an illusion and so is the Global community. The idea of ”me” too. I hereby give up my TNT ”id”, just another illusion. The punishment for speaking up here on Global is so harsh (SO many examples!!!) that I stay incognito. I stay (more or less) incognito also to protest and stand with the brothers and sisters that spoke out and had their postes and profile deleted from the community. The climate on TNT and Global is so claustrophibic and censored that I dont feel safe. Do you? Do you think this is an honest space? Do you feel at home, at ease? You think you are in an honest and loving space? Do you feel free to express yourself? I don’t. When ever some admin reads this post it will be gone no matter what.
TNT is a ”family”, yes, and yes you’ll have ”brothers” and ”sisters”, but beware… of course only as long as you PAY – and DO and SAY and THINK like the leader(s) tells you to! No outsiders in our fam, all in line! All things so contracted are destined to be doomed, to implode or explode, and it seens it’s starting to happen for TNT. It has before shown how fragile ground its stands on. Last time was when Pan left and it all got pretty scary and shaky here on Global and Alex Vartman even threatened on Facebook Pan with a lawsuit for having called him a sociopath. IMO (genuine) spiritual teachers dont threaten other people who express their opinions about somebody (and Alex is not famous for holding back any opinion about others is he?!). But this is also very much what TNT is about: threats, fear and censorship. The Dark Side, and not dark in a good way! I lost a lot of faith in Alex as a teacher reading he was considered suing Pan. Why was Alex so afraid – what was he afraid of? That shit was crazy - and scary. And cultish, yes of course ;)

Alex took it personal that somebody left TNT. And just the other day some high level student here said that he (sometimes) took peoples goodbyes personal too! What is it with (you) TNT people?! Why take a goodbye so god damn serious?! So personal. Why is it such a BIIIG problem that somebody says goodbye?! Why not just wish them the best of luck. TNT is heavily bulit upon a narrative about: ”Us & Them” that people here on global write about how they vommit, have bad sleeps, shaking, tears and tense emotions. What is this cult really about?
Being a good student in TNT is not at least learning how to censor yourself. I’m sure most people here on global know the feeling of not REALLY expressing how they feel – out of fear for being laughed at, shamed, censored - or kicked out. By all means necessary. Of course TNT is a cult. Why not just be honest and say it straight up? Ah, of course we can never see our own bullshit, and all thes words are illusions too, but it would add some (heavily) needed authenticity and honesty to the firm, oops I mean the ”community”, standing up proud and commit to yourself: Yes! We’re a cult. And we’re PROUD of it! We’re just an good old school cult scheme, you’ve seen it before.
Just like with any other cult no critical thinking is allowed on the path to… liberation? I you criticize and ask tricky questions you’ll be silenced and/or kicked out. What's the bog deal? They teach honesty and delete honesty. Is something hiding in the closet? How is this practise ”spiritual”? A lot of people have been hurt in the TNT space - and vulnerably expressed their pain - only to be laughed at with the trademarks of TNT: the sarcasm, the patronising and stupid sick ”level 5 honesty” (that the leaders can't deal with themselves!). And if all this doent work to silence them: just kick’em out!

TNT claims to be non-dualistic - but is in fact so VERY dualistic. The world view in TNT is ”Us & Them”. Us = the TNT members – those on the right path. Them = ALL others! All the nasty boooring ”huffy fluffy” people (a term Alex took from Daida’s ”wishy washy”). You know it all too well, maybe this mind set is even part of you by now: ”Hahaha, look at them – see how ridicilous the huffy fluffy ones are, their stuff just doesnt work! Only OUR shit works!”. Damn, this attitude is so stupid, it doesn’t work hahaha!!”. Damn, isnt that rather arrogant and ignorant?! TNT is about dividing, it’s hard to see how this is supposed to be ”spiritual”. It’s just us and them. Low level vs. high students. Level this vs. level that.
Many great beautiful and good people (we are, arent we?!) get atracted to this kind of stuff like TNT. The strong and vivid community, the crazy wisdom, the seeeex! Maaaan!! The SEEEEZZZ! TNT did a lot great (sexual) body work. And sex can be oh so exciting, and a drug too (is sex like drugs in TNT?). TNT is neither particularly ”spiritual” – or ”scientific” for that matter. For example the core of TNT practise – the ”cumming hang over” and all that baloney are others illusions YNT operate with, a mental image, a storyline meant to tie people together around a common cause – not scientifically backed up at all. Actually some studies suggest that never cumming leads to a higher prostata cancer rate. TNT know about these studies, I heard it from the TNT, but they dont tell you much about these kind of things.
What makes TNT ”scientfic”? Is it because some arrogant douche bag and bully teaches biology at a university? Not that’s doesn’t really make TNT "scientific", does it?! Just see the problems now with new shit coming up - and the leaders are anything but trained, educated, or experienced to deal with it. TNT is in no way more spiritual or scientific than any other tantric school – but it’s of course good for marketing and targeting to say so. And of course TNT is (big) business for the owner. Millions upon millions have been made these last five happy years or so. And with the big boss having these millions (YOUR money) wouldn’t you at least expect a more educated, professional and ethical leadership than the one TNT can offer you!?

People from the team are not supposed to fuck the students. That's the TNT ethics, right? But on the levels I took a guy - who online was described as "member of the team" - were fucking a student a lot of the time. We were told that this was OK, because on this level he was "only" an "organizer" - not "team" - and this little change of title meant that he could fuck all the students he wanted. And of course that was bullshit, he was just as much part of the team as the rest of the team. That's the kind of leadership that TNT represents.
So many people have tried the hard way how they could not rely on any leadership when shit hit the fan. What about yorur brothers and sisters – you think you rely on them? You know TNT’ers are known to turn their back on a lot of people that speak out any inconvenient truth. You probably know it - cause you may have turned your back too. When met with doubt or critisicm TNT’ers label the others ”victims of their own drama”, ”caught in their mind fucks” etc. It’s such a easy thing to do and it’s such a classic sign of a cult! It’s a master technique. It’s the Us and them. The shaming, the patronising. The silencing, and deleting.
Listen, sweetheart: You dont have a family in TNT. Only as long as you pay and behave, ok? A (good) family is one you can count on. If TNT is “your family” then it’s no less dysfunctional or fucked up than the families you grew up in! The whole patriarchal pattern is internalised deeply within TNT. The content may be different, but the rigid dynamics and its twisted ways are just the same!

The ones (mainly sisters) that have experienced the coldness of former brothers and sisters are not here on global. They cannot read this. What did the “their families”? Like thieves in the night they removed and kicked these people out in the cold. Overnight they didn’t belong. They were deleted. Became ‘persona non grata’. They cannot read stuff. They cannot write stuff. No access to the family. Left (very often all) alone with a lot of difficult feelings and thoughts and again, like always, no support from the leadership or community. You went to bed having a family – and woke up without. Because of what you said. Because of WORDS goddammit…! What you have are likely fellow cult-members that will leave you ALL alone at your first wrong move. What about the wrong doers? They stay…

Just like Bondi’s profile and then posts are now deleted – now she too is in bad standing - and of course this post and profile will have a veeeeery short life after this post too. But it will delete it myself after posting this ☺
The environment in TNT is so masculine and the women on the team are among the most masculine I’ve ever met. Maybe it’s neccesary in order to survive in this competitive and up tight environment. They advertise with masculine/feminine balancing, but I’m not sure how well it works practically! TNT is neither balanced nor healthy. Persons (often female) who speak up on abuse, violation and bad leadership get kicked out – whether the (often male) violators and predators get protection and stay in! We’ve seen it many times before. Now again with Bondi. She got kicked out – while the guy with his well known patterns of abuse and rapish mindset stays in! The irony!!! So of course people leave TNT. TNT is not a safe place – no one is safe. And Global isn’t safe neither.

When a (”high level” I presume) student writes: ”(So) in some cases it is difficult not to take their goodbye personal” it makes me wonder. How in the world can somebody’s goodbye be something “personal” – something “against you”!? It’s like the definition of an ego-driven mind, isnt it?!! It goes to show how TNT probably not will help you with your ego issues – hell, it may even enforce them! TNT members, it may come as a surprise, but everything is not about you! :-D The “others” are not necessarily “against you”, neither are they “anti-TNT” – they just don’t wanna put up with all the bullshit. In any spiritual process all experiences can be welcomed as learning material, but not in TNT.
Instead of taking a farewell fucking personal why not just wish that person the best of luck and love!? Goes to show again in what ways TNT does function as a cult! The HORROR if the DOUBTS starts crawling up upon you!! Seems even TNT is built on a very thin foundation, that’s easily shaken, a lot of dark stormy stuff and some skeletons seems to be coming out now. The horror… The panic… you’d really have to still be deep inside TNT yourself not to see how much a cult it is!
Leave TNT now - find your own path! The lost golden boy millionaire Alex Vartman that was never seen or nurtured by his maaaamma has made SO much money on you on this so-called “spiritual” and “scientific” path to hell that he can live good forever, just leave this twisted mind alone and stop supporting his massive ego-issues and do not fund this infamous man’s posh guru life style anymore.

Stop taking these overprized levels of illusions and bullshit! It doesn't help, does it?! Feel how fragile the TNT foundation is. Cause its bullshit. It will not help you or your ego. TNT is rotten, everything is upside down. The encourage honesty, and then punish honesty. The yeah non dualism, and practise heavy dualism. It protects the (male) violator and kicks out the victims. Another sister or brother is turned into a John or Jane Doe - gone for the rest of the community. It can happen to you too... So much for this ”family” and the "brothers and sisters".
Get free or die tryin! Godspeed…

Jon Do